| well since i don't ever write in here... |
[Jul. 20th, 2005|10:49 am] |
this was a reply to a friend that i just went back today and read to remind myself what i had been learning and thinking of, it's not quite a complete thought but maybe you'll find it stimulating...
dude, some of that stuff has been totally whats' been going on in my head as of late as well.
the cost, you know?
it 's crazy when you look back over 3 years of your life and realize it has cost you nothing to follow Christ
something that cost God so much, and is completly free to us, yet it compels us to lay all we have down in the same way Christ did for us. it is not a qualifier that we lay it down, making us worthy of his love, but
those who don't lay it down, did they really ever see the kind of love God has for them in the first place?
i guess there is a certain element of timing involved.
say i get the news "you gotta surrender your life, you gotta deny yourself" before i hear "God loves you unconditionally just as you are, you can not do anything to make him love you any more or less and that 's how it's been all along" I end up in a legalistic striving to achieve "lovable status"
member the kingdom of God sermon, that guy describes faith as "unthinkable confidence" he's like you just "sit back in the kingdom" it's so hard to believe somthing that goes against all you know of yourself and the kinda person you really are, and then be told to have unthinking confidence that God loves you just the same and if you are to follow Christ you must continually live by faith in this truth contradicting most of what you feel in a day.
yea dude, Jesus was for real when he said " when the Son of man returns, will he find faith on earth?"
we like to think we are quite mature in our walks, leading worship and always having an opinion and so on,
(at least i do anyway) but when i get real, which is rarer than i'd like to think, i have trouble believing that God Loves. Corey was talking about the same struggle with me, not as i am talking inwardly, but what he sees' outwardly, and getting lost in pessemism and being overly cynical. "How can God take such trash and such destruction we get ourselfs into due to sin and redeem us and turn us into somthing else, somthing more reflecting himself.
He was just saying that is a constant struggle to see all the ashes of lifes destroyed by sin and believing Gods love can turn ashes to beauty. . . ..
but for real though.... what has he done for us? or better stated; what is his love striving for, every day in me? or even more accurately; what happens in me when i truly believe God has loved me to the death and will continue loving me no matter what, for the rest of eternity. (Even his Judgements are in love, Lewis- God will not force anyone to be with Him who does not want to be with him)
that is insane, Love, rules the universe.
i dunno, i guess i'm just writing all this for me you know,.. getting stuff out.
anyway, the whole music thing too. i was listening to this missionary talk, (i think i already told you this)
and he was like "you need to leave behind what Your known for "
and ofcourse, what are we known for? the cool kids who think deep thoughts and lead worship and can play good music. and somtimes, i think, sweet that is success. or, this could lead me to success. -
traveling around to lead worship all the time, recording cds, and becoming well known abroad for deep thoughts and good music. and as far as that goes most christians would agree with me and ARE ENCOURAGING me to pursue such things. you know "come record a cd, and it'll be this great hit, and i can manage your band and book you and bla bla bla"
i know that there is meaning and impact and good things down that road, but, i feel such a stronger pull towards leaving behind what i'm known for. i like to htink of myself as uneffected by american society, but i'm not, when George was talking (that missionary) i think i was realizing that even my definition of Christian success has been molded by society.
anyway,... sorry to go on for so long i guess i thought it would be cool just to put down all this stuff that i have been thinking about on occasion, i guess i should've written all this in my live journal.he he.
anyway.peace i'll see you tonight maybe at coreys thing. |
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| hey hey |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|01:26 pm] |
hey check me out
i'm cool like everyone esle now....
sweet. |
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